Journeying through Anxiety

I wanted to encourage you all with what the Lord has been reveling to me through this journey. I have come to a point where I have been a lot more vunrable in this area. It used to be something I would really hide from other people in fear of what they would think of me. The pressure of perfoemance really got to me.

I realised that we all have our own unique struggles at that we are not perfect, nor do we need to pretent to try to be. I have been slowing being unraveled by God and he is showing me that I can reveal my true self. When we are vunrable it can be scary. I had to throw in a CS Lewis quote in here to sum it all up. When we are vunrable about things in the depths of our hearts it can be scary and there is risk involved. In my case I have being very hurt in the past from opening up to people about my struggles with anxiety with the wrong people. But if we are wise to protect outselves from sharing with the wrong people. We can be vunrable which is such a beautiful thing. We searve a vunrable God who in his love for us is immesurably vunrable, he gives us the oppunituinty to love in the same way with the same vunrability. And that is how we connect love and encourage as human beings.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

We are all on a journey. and that journey can be hard at times. We can feel like we are plodding uphill for miles with no direction then suddenly we are at the top, and the battle seems over for a while. Then we realise there is another mountain right in frount of us. For me I have had seasons where it has felt compleatly in control. In those seasons my cofidence levels were shot up, I thought that God was more pleased with me and that I must me trusting me more so he is rewarding me with his peace. I would blame myself and try to read more of the bible and pray more but it did'nt seem to work. I would work so hard at trying to get out of those tough seasons when my anxiety levels seemed high and thought there was something wrong with me. 

In missions and predominantly in Uganda at times, I have found prevalent lie occuring in my heart. Being that I have to have it all together, that I can't feel fear and anxiety. I was playing the game of comparasion and thinking that I had to have it together all the time, and if not I wasn't worthy of doing what I was doing. The truth is who has it toghether all of the time. I honestly believe that what I was going through and had been through made such a strong platform for me to come down in a level of vunrability and for God to work through me. I know that was not only the case for me but for the rest of my team. There were times I got so fustrated and felt so guilty trying to fight it. But God was telling me to stop striving. and just to be me
Psalm 46:10 (NASB)
Cease striving and knmow that I am God; 
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.

He will be exaulted!! God could be using your trial to be exalted. It is in the times when we are fighting, when unawnsered questions come when our faith becomes real. God showed me to stop fighting and to let him fight. To rejoice and to seek him and the fullness of joy that comes only from in him. It is when we are tested when we find true joy. The times when all we have is the fact that we know. All we have to reley on is faith and the fact that we know that we know. Even though we can't see that he is good. 

Often in our trials it is when we gain elevation. Like in an airplane the turbulance is normally worse when we are lower in the air. If you have ever flown in and out of Queenstown you will know that feeling!! 

We often think that our weekness disqualifies us. But in fact God uses the week and the broken to show his power. Moses had a speech impediment. But we see in the bible how God used him. Although he questioned his natural abillties. 

Exodus 4:10 

Moses said to the Lord, "pardon your servant, Lord I have never been elequant, niether in the past nor since you have spoken to your servent. I am slow in speech and tongue."

I have been listening to Louie Giglios Audiobook the Comeback. Louie talks about how we are all in need of a comeback and how before we are launched into our God given destiny we are often faced with setbacks.

In his book Louie mentioned the Apollo 1 in January 27th 1967 tragety struck during a pre- preflight test scheduled to launch February the 21st 1967. All 3 crew members died, it seemed like a hopeless situation. Until they made a comeback in in on the 20th of July 1969 when the Apollo 11 successfully landed on the moon. The crazy thing was the odds seemed against them. They were basically in a race with time with the Russians to get to the moon because of this Armstrong had about half the reccomended training needed to land on the mood. Due to onboard computer errors armstrong recalls he overshoot the intended landing spot by miles being secounds from having to abort. Nothing worth doing is easy and all great ideas rise above failue comebacks are neccecary in every great sucess story.